Too Much Talking; Not Enough Listening and Doing

Refining scam prevention strategies

While all the various scam prevention efforts today are certainly promising to behold, I’ve recently come to the opinion that these efforts focus too much on talking at older adults, telling them what these scams are and what they need to do to avoid becoming a victim.

By now, I’ve certainly had my fill of watching and attending a litany of hourlong webinars and presentations, most of which are conducted by a solitary person sharing a deck of PowerPoint slides. Honestly, does anyone believe any older adult – any senior like me – who is watching, has not nodded off intermittently during that session? Seriously, with all our creative genius, is this the best scam prevention strategy we can devise and offer?

After advocating and participating in scores of elder prevention programs for almost 10 years, I must ask, are we listening to the audience, to the older adults in attendance to hear them share their scam experiences and suggestions? And, yes, I’ll point the finger of neglect at myself, first, as one who has managed scores of these sessions for also not always doing so.

Honestly, we haven’t been listening to and engaging older adults in this very important conversation as much as we should. By redirecting the primary focus of any scam prevention gathering we host – be it a webinar or in-person presentation at a senior center – from conducting a presentation to first listening to the stories, experiences, and comments shared by those seniors in attendance, we will more favorably position ourselves to gain
valuable insights and benefits, three of which immediately come to mind.

The first benefit is an enhanced and more comprehensive understanding of how exactly these financial scams are impacting and affecting seniors, many of whom are lonely, live alone, and deal with a variety of issues like declining health, dementia, or a keen ability to manage finances. Gaining a better understanding allows us to also get a sense of their mental acuity during the scam event.

You see, if they were victimized at a time when they were under much stress and anxiety, studies show such conditions would have made them much more susceptible to becoming a victim. Dr. Dan Siegel, MD calls this a person’s “window of tolerance.”

The window of tolerance describes the optimal zone of “arousal” for a person to function in everyday life. When functioning within this zone or window, he or she can effectively manage and cope with emotions. When a person is traumatized, it can be especially difficult to stay grounded in the present because the past is more vivid and intrusive. For them, it is often difficult to regulate emotions and the zone of arousal where they can function effectively becomes quite narrow.

By making an effort to better understand the person and conditions influencing the scam event, we can begin to experience the second benefit – empathy. We can become more empathetic to their feelings of fear, frustration, embarrassment, and bewilderment. Showing empathy to a senior in response to hearing and understanding their stories and emotions, allows us to cross that moat of defense they have constructed out of embarrassment and fear. Empathy paves the way to forming a relationship. As the recipient of our empathy, it affirms to them that they are being heard and understood. It offers a non-judgmental caring response to something they feel is utterly embarrassing and shameful.

With understanding and empathy follows trust, the third benefit we’ll reap from this process.

In order to rightfully help an older adult realize that he or she is being scammed, we need to earn their trust. Up until this point, their trust resides in the hands of the scammer, the con artist who is manipulating their minds and behavior to satisfy his or her own agenda. By showing understanding and empathy, we begin to establish and nurture that desperately needed bond of trust, that will eventually vanquish the manipulator’s influence, freeing the victim to realize they were under the spell of a scammer.

Understanding, empathy, and trust – and it all begins with LISTENING, then doing.

It may have taken me several years but hopefully, at long last, I’ve come to see that we must think differently if we are ever to take a bite out of scams.