It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way

As we observe the holidays and prepare to bid farewell to 2024, I wish to share an idea or two stirring in my mind, in the hope that doing so may bring some comfort and joy to those who are most in need.

When we think of the holidays, I’m sure you would agree that besides Santa and gift-giving, several other thoughts come to mind, and among them is joining with family and loved ones in the cozy warmth of our homes. I have to say, there’s nothing better than being surrounded by those who truly care for us, those affectionately known as mom, dad, sis, bro, or perhaps abuela, or cugini.

Being in their company seems to generate a sense of safety, strength and warmth, no matter what we may be doing – baking cookies, decorating the house, enjoying a seven-fish Christmas Eve dinner – as is the custom for so many families of Italian heritage – or simply gathered around the tree to open presents on Christmas Day.

However, while we can take comfort in such surroundings, it’s important to remember that there are many among us who are less fortunate; many who will be spending the holidays by themselves, all alone.

Now I’m referring to those who did not choose to live all alone. For many of these older adults, a loving spouse has passed on, leaving them without their cherished partner. For others, it is because of ailments that make it difficult if not impossible to physically step outside of their home. Then, there are also those of such age that they have outlived all others – not only a spouse but members of their family and friends as well.

Life under such conditions can be rather debilitating. Not only are these older adults dealing with living by themselves and the challenges it brings, older adults living alone are prime targets for con-artist scammers. Living alone increases the potential of dementia. It also is known to heighten loneliness.

The National Center on Elder Abuse reports that according to one study, 43% of those 60 or older reported loneliness. Another study found that 19% of elderly people cited frequent loneliness and 29% felt occasional loneliness.

Well, it doesn’t have to be that way!

In his recent Washington Post article, “7 of our best science-based tips for mental and cognitive health,” Richard Sima says, “If you want to increase your happiness and well-being, spend your money, time or energy on someone else.

“Research consistently finds that acts of altruism such as donating money, volunteering or giving blood benefit both the receiver and the giver — even when the giver does not expect anything in return. Helping others may set up a positive feedback loop: Because doing good feels good, altruism can beget more altruism and better well-being.”

As we gaze ahead into the future and what 2025 might have in store for each of us, might I suggest we be proactive and do whatever we can to influence how the upcoming days and weeks of 2025 will unfold for us in our personal life histories. As some might say, let’s put our intentions out there so they might come to fruition.

In Buddhist teachings, intentions hold a profound significance as they are seen as the seed from which actions and their results (karma) arise. Karma is not just about actions but also the intention behind those actions. Intentions are seen as the mental forces that shape one’s actions, which in turn influence future experiences. A pure and mindful intention can lead to positive outcomes, akin to the idea of setting an intention and trusting in its fruition.

So suppose we allow ourselves to really become caught up in the spirit of the holidays, allowing this season of cheer and glad tidings to have a deeper influence on our thinking and behavior than ever before. Consider this thought as a gift to yourself, one destined to make you feel content, peaceful and happy in 2025.

If you agree and are willing to take that plunge, then let’s plant the seed! One idea I suggest is taking time to reach out to an older adult who we know lives all alone.

Reach out by sending a holiday greetings card or giving him or her a phone call to express holiday wishes for happiness and good health. Maybe, push yourself a bit more by making a quick visit to simply check in or to drop off a plate of dinner or a slice of dessert. But let’s not stop there. Let’s light a fire and create an inferno of activity! Why not invite others at your church or in the community or senior center to team up with you by forming a group dedicated to keeping a watchful eye on those elders in the community who live all alone. Identify who they are and the best ways to make and stay in contact with them.

Remember, giving in this way – reaching out to lonely and solitary older adults – has its many rewards, as noted earlier in Richard Sima’s article. Making time to reach out will not only impress on them a sense of dignity and self-worth, and hopefully diminish some of the loneliness they may experience, it will also invigorate within you a surge of love. Sharing such generosity and kindness will enliven the spirit of the holiday season in your heart with the knowledge that you’re giving something priceless to another fellow human being, something you can’t buy in the store or on Amazon.

Now, just imagine if we all could embrace this behavior. Imagine the impact it would have on our country and on its political divide.

Wishing you countless blessings and good cheer – and positive karma throughout 2025, driven by your kindness, generosity, and compassion.