Caregivers: Beware of the Cult-like Spell of Romance Scams!

The month of November is recognized for many observances, Veterans Day and Thanksgiving to name a few. But did you know that it is also designated as National Family Caregivers Month? 

If you care for an elderly parent or grandparent, you’ll definitely want to hear about the experience Chris Mancinelli had dealing with his 79-year-old father, Alfred. Chris’ story was recently told by Tara Siegel Bernard, a New York Times reporter, in her October 31st article titled, “They’re Giving Scammers All Their Money. The Kids Can’t Stop Them. 

Briefly, Alfred fell victim to what is commonly called a romance scam, completely taken, head over heels for Alexa Bliss, whom he believed was a professional wrestling star but in reality, was a con artist. His romantic relationship and infatuation with Bliss grew to the point where Alfred sent her and other imposters associated with her more than $1 million from his retirement savings, money previously earmarked for his granddaughter’s college fund. 

So, it comes with no surprise that when his son Chris, a chemical engineer in Collegeville, PA, became aware of the scam, he immediately tried to bring an end to the charade. He transferred the little that was left in his father’s bank account to another safer account. However, that move did not sit well with his father. He sued Chris! There simply was no convincing Alfred that he was a victim being conned – scammed of his life savings by what he truly believed to be a romantic relationship with Bliss.

Tara Siegel Bernard writes, “Mr. Mancinelli and others who have tried to awaken their loved ones from this trance often feel powerless, even after they’ve done everything to shatter the fiction and protect their assets. They say it’s as if their parent had been brainwashed into a cult. 

“In some ways, they were: These victims were slowly groomed by con artists posing as love interests, investment advisers or government officials, among others. Once ensconced inside this bubble, they are unable or unwilling to acknowledge that they have become victims. Even when their own children are warning them of the con.”

Hopefully, your experience as a caregiver is nothing like what Chris experienced dealing with his dad, Alfred. Just imagine the anxiety, concern, and frustration Chris dealt with in trying to convince his father to no avail that he is being scammed. Imagine the anger that must have stirred his emotions, knowing that a con artist was unchecked, merrily and easily draining his father’s savings – the family savings – of thousands of dollars.

Now, suppose you were in Chris’ shoes? 

What would you do to end the scam? How would you manage an elderly parent who is absolutely convinced he or she has met someone who is now the love of their life, while you are certain that this “someone” is a scam artist intent on draining your parent and the family of its savings? 

As you ponder your course of action, here are a few suggestions you may wish to consider. I invite readers to share their insights and recommendations as well.

> REPORT THE SCAM. Report the scam to either of these agencies. The Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) is the central hub for reporting cyber-enabled crime. It is run by the FBI, the lead federal agency for investigating crime. Visit https://www.ic3.gov/Home/Index. The crime can also be reported to the Federal Trade Commission at https://reportfraud.ftc.gov/.

> KNOW WHAT LEGAL AUTHORITY YOU HAVE. Caregivers often have to assist a loved one with decision-making, sometimes informally and sometimes formally. Complete a financial power of attorney. Do not rely only on joint bank accounts. Learn more at the American Bar Association: 10 must-dos when serving as a caregiver for family, friends.

> CONTACT THE AARP FRAUD WATCH NETWORK HELPLINE. The Helpline can be reached at (877) 908-3360.

> CONTACT LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT. Your city or town’s police department wants to be informed about scams impacting members of their community. They can be a valuable resource.

> CONTACT YOUR STATE OR COUNTY ELDERLY SERVICES AGENCY. In the State of Massachusetts, it is the Executive Office of Elder Affairs. The office provides quality aging-related resources, tools, and support through a network of regional non-profit agencies and municipal agencies across the state. The telephone number is (800) 243-4636.

> CONSIDER THE USE OF A BANK ACCOUNT MONITOR APP. Account monitoring services like Carefull can provide a watchful 24/7 eye on a loved one’s banking accounts, credit and identity, safeguarding them from a scammer’s grip. Carefull will also include a caregiver as a trusted contact, offering the caregiver view-only access to accounts and transaction alerts. Learn more at www.Getcarefull.com. 

> GATHER IDENTITY INFORMATION ONLINE ABOUT THE INDIVIDUAL. Perform reverse image searches on the profile picture of the suspected con artist. Check for inconsistencies in his/her online profiles across different platforms, verify locations by cross-checking details like area codes, look for matching usernames or email addresses on other sites, and search for online reviews or reports about their profile or potential aliases.

As a caregiver, you are to be commended for your countless efforts to ensure the health and safety of your parent, grandparent or loved one. It’s not an easy task. More than likely, you face a mountain of challenges. Don’t give up. You are not alone. There are many resources and agencies ready to help. By all of us working together, we help lighten the load from one another’s shoulders.